Here at PhoneyFresh I share my weirdo interests, including (but not limited to): Garage sale and dumpster treasures, vintage magazine innards, glorious VHS trash, forgotten LP covers, self help schlock, vexing vixens, my kitschy kollekshuns and oh, so much more. Ninety-nine percent of the content you see here is from my own collection. Scanned by me, photographed by me, etc. No low-res Google search globby jpeg junk here folks! Dig!

Jan 26, 2007

The Awful World of Glamour Portraits

Yes for a small fee of only $19.95 you too can have your own deluxe 8x10 glamor portrait! Of course the entire package of various 8x10's, 5x7's and wallet sizes will cost you a couple hundred bucks. But it's worth it! Just look how glamorous you too can look! My mom actually did one of these one time with a friend of hers. It was a special promo they'd seen on a flyer. The fly-by-night portrait studio just so happened to be in a motel room. The make-up artist was a chain smoking rough edged lady who claimed to be a make up artist for Las Vegas show girls. They teased my moms hair up into this foot tall frizz bomb, caked on the make up, and covered her in a lovely garland of brightly colored feathers. They did the same to my mom's friend who, when she went home was applauded by her husband as looking "more beautiful than ever" and they went straight out for dinner. They also bought the entire photo package. I wish I had my mom's photo to share, but I don't think she'd like that.

I actually know this lady (above), I just happened to find her pic on Google.

This girl (above) went to my high school and this is her Senior photo as it appeared in my yearbook.

Oh yes, don't forget about the strange world of dog glamor photography......

Jan 25, 2007

"Chunk of Funk" Cassette

From my pile of Salvation Army dumb tape finds the other day. This is a self produced cassette of a group called Chunk of Funk. The insert was printed on a computer and the label on the tape is a sticker. The music is pretty dumb, but be careful - frequent listens might change your mind. Once you get into the groove there's no turning back! These guys are actually good musicians, I wouldn't really call it funk though, more like a cross between smooth jazz, muzak, and soul I guess. The photo is kinda weird for a cover though, whats that weird candelabra behind them? Are they in a dungeon of Funk? See the tape label for song titles. Download two songs below!

Gospel Bill Deputy Handbook

When I was a wee little tike in the 80's, I used to watch a show called Gospel Bill. It was a Christian show for kids that took place in the old west. I really don't remember it much, but my parents tell me I really liked the show and they also kept this artifact for me. If you prayed the prayer of salvation with Gospel be and wrote in telling him so, he'd send you an official Deputy's Handbook and a metal badge. It was pretty cool, but I seriously don't remember any of this (I think I was only like four years old). Here are the complete contents of the handbook and a picture of the badge.

Jan 24, 2007

Prince Fever......

America's Ultimate V

I found this rediculous keychain at a sale we have at a church here called "Sharing Corner" where everything is free. It makes me wonder who these guys are: a motorcycle gang? a group of specially trained fighters? a team of weight lifters? a lame rock band? evangelists targeted to a teen audience? models? sports stars? male dancers? Ummmm, yeah. That's probably it. Male dancers for sure.

My favorites are the guy with the 'stache (you can tell he thinks he's the coolest) and the hair metal lookin' guy (why are his hands out of the picture? what is he doing!). God this is awful! Could they're jeans be any more stone washed than this? NO! HAHAHAHA!

The back of this pic was signed by the "team" too. A fun game is trying to match the signature to the right guy.

Jan 23, 2007

Dont give up!

Another book from Goodwill.....

Losing at the "Love Game"?
Don't think you'll
ever find "The One"?
Then you need to read this!

And in case you do succeed, turn over to the back cover for this ad....

Looking for safe, convenient, effective birth control?
Of all birth control methods available, only Encare gives you the double protection of the spermicide doctors recommend most....

For leisurely reading......

Bought this at Goodwill today.

Dumb Tapes

Here's some dumb tapes I bought at Salvation Army today. I will be sharing the audio from them soon!

Jan 22, 2007

Kentucky Souvenir

Make Something of Yourself!

International Correspondence Schools says you can train at home in your spare time! I read it on a match book!

Jan 21, 2007

Callenetics: 10 Years Younger In 10 Hours

Oddly enough, I got this book for my birthday. My mom got it at Goodwill. I really don't think I need to say much more, the pictures speak for themselves.

Buy this book and you too could see results like Charles.


Jan 19, 2007

More Beatles Paintings.......

These are really cool paintings of the Beatles from the Sgt. Pepper period by Simon Birtall. Amazing!

Weirdo Beatles Art

Far Out and Funny Pinbacks #3: Michigan Robins

My Brother Joe collects these charming pins from our home state of Michigan. They all have the same robin theme, but none of them are consistent in design. We can't seem to find any info on this tourist campaign, or to what era these are dated, so any info would help. They are mounted on a neat little swatch stitched by my brother.

Avon American Sportster

You might wonder where the cheesy photo in the header comes from. This is the packaging from an Avon product called American Sportster. It's like a big thing of Blistex-type stuff in a nifty little 70's style container. Protects your skin from harmful UV rays in the summer and from dryness and chapping in the colder season, as the logo and pictures suggest. I just liked the idea of this smoky romantic looking portrait overlaid on top of an intrusive dune buggy. It just has a strange visual appeal to it.

Found Cassette: Katie Reading

Another weird found cassette. This one is a recording of six year old Katie Flushner (sic?) reading from May 1990. Intro by mom (I'm assuming) and a couple very uneventful stories about cats and dogs. If I've learned anything from this it's that Bingo was a naughty, naughty dog. About three minutes long.


Jan 18, 2007

Happy Birthday to Me!

I'll be 26 years old tomorrow. That's over the quarter century mark! What have I accomplished you might ask. Well for starters, this blog. Nextly, ummm, nothing else comes to mind..........

PINBACKS: Hippy Sippy

I got this at a barn sale a few years ago, and always wondered what it was advertising.Wikipedia says this:
Hippy Sippy was a candy introduced in the late 1960s. It derived its name from its packaging: small multi-colored pellets contained in a toy package syringe. The intent was to mimick drug usage in the hippie culture, primarily through the toy syringe being a reminder of heroin, and secondarily through the multi-colored candy being a reminder of uppers and downers. Included was a button with the phrase "Hippy Sippy says I'll try anything!" printed on it.
Hippy Sippy was immediately controversial, and outraged many people, including liberals and leaders of the (then) young generation. It was promptly removed from the market, but is still remembered due to its cultural shock value.
More recently, the name was adopted by saxophonist Hank Mobley for his song Hippy Sippy Blues.
Here's a pic of the original candy/toy. My pin appears to be different, but cooler than the one seen above.

Jan 17, 2007

Official Karate, July 1986

I'm thinking that he went for a little too wide of a stance. He's feelin' it in the "man muscles" for sure.

Figure 2 really looks like it hurt!

Dang I wish I had some of those nun chucks!

I am confident that he is the right man for the job.